Under rumpled covers amid dirty laundry piles nearby left for later, you and I rest along side one another's skin. I hear your exhortations of slumber and sidle up closer to what I have known as my other being for thirteen years today. I know you. And you, me. I sense your heart when it's vexed with the heavy sting of days unsettling. Decisions. Directions. Best practices and better intentions lived. I feel your gladness just the same. In those long, easy stretches of freedom from the bushel & a peck that confines you as the leader of our home.

Marriage brings forth the collective. Our utmost for His highest, a most resounding holy yes. It compels hearts to pound better; it twists the vessels of us singularly to investigate and practice more of what it means to be plural. It is work. It is wonder. It is grace and grit.

A union of souls venturing life's forrest thick with growth. Among the brilliantly intricate blooms, the mossy green moist logs, the decaying stench of what's left unnourished, we create the story of us. It's our walk. Our hike of sorts. Laying claim to the path that finds us home. Defending off the darkness that lurks behind the tall, stoic oaks. Denying the disease that can so quickly infect. Deciding daily what should be left for dead and what shall be kept for the sacred enchantment of our wanderings.

I am a wife of 13 years. I can entrust this as fact. I can celebrate it even more in a culture that sees less and less means for the left hand to own the weight of a promise most precious not just in metal, but in testimony and time. It is with this tenure that I offer my 13 dos and don'ts of what these 4,745 days have taught me as Mrs. Cobble.

1. Balance

Your heart & your words. Commit yourself to knowing the time to speak, to act and to let go. Superficial distractions can suffocate a marriage. It's everything to learn the heart of your spouse. And to know the beauty of time together verses one more thing monotonous and unimportant to the best care of the sanctity of husband and wife.

2. Believe

Believe in him when he can't. Speak the courage he so longingly needs to hear. Pray him up. Build upon the truth that you know rests inside his heart. Focus intently on the man you married and the man He has plans for him to grow to be. Life lives us into better; it challenges us to grow. Champion the man that married you.

3. Know your strength

Each spouse has deposits of strength encased in their individual personalities. Some are hard wired for organization. Others are encouragers or perhaps resourceful, receptive, or great at discernment. Own your role. Be you triumphantly. Not just for yourself, but for the beauty of the union you have been given. Honoring one another's strengths creates an atmosphere doubled with successful traits for marriage survival.

4. Touch

Hold hands. Kiss publicly even. Be magnets more. Touch is a critical in the overall success rate of a marriage. Dating is the mac-daddy of touch. Couples have a hard time NOT touching when courting. Why should marriage be any different? I love this article as well as this one on the power of touch in marriage. Touch is a language just as powerful as words.

5. Laugh

Smiling and laughing with the very person you create a home, moreover, a life with is crucial. Mistakes are gonna happen. Appliances are gonna break. Appointments are gonna be missed. Why not make sure that good healthy doses of funny bust up the middle of the monotony, the hiccups and hold ups? Laughter reminds us that we're human. It releases natural feel good hormones and gives us the gusto to cope.

6. Make it business & pleasure

It can't be bells & whistles and roller coaster rides all the time. It takes work to make a successful company run. And that's exactly what your marriage is. Finding the best rhythm that brings joy into the job of "us" is key in keeping good marriage health. Allowing the monstrosity that is business to stifle the life out of loving one another is the very culprit that causes staleness and complacency as Mr. and Mrs.

7. Find your together; enjoy your apart

You are awesome. So is your spouse. Absolutely celebrate the awesomeness that you are as one team. Capitalize on your strengths {#3}, believe in one another {#1} and be real as you live out your marriage. That's what the best together looks like. BUT DON'T FORGET: You were awesome before you were married. Take time to be you. Singular in interests and keeping up with the great friendships you had prior to "I do" is important to making sure that you are the best individual you can be. Morphing yourself into "mate for life" and forgetting who you were before is not only unhealthy, but codependent.

8. Belittle

Putting the very person you love more than anything down in order to make a point or boost your ego is disgraceful to the sanctity of the twosome TEAM you have given yourself to.

9. Boast

Flashing laundry lists of the things you do well, the things you take care of for your family or the things that you are known for well as a human being into the face of your spouse or to those around you while in front of your spouse sends a pretty clear message: I am before US.

10. Serve Self

The more you plan and prepare life for the singular YOU, the less you miss out on the big picture of marriage. A healthy balance of YOU time is crucial, warranted & needed, but together means just that. Together. Working. Growing. Sharing. Building. Self serving serves only the self.

11. Save face

If your pride matters more than your marriage, you are in for a long miserable life. In marriage, ridiculous things transpire. Low levels are stooped to, complete blunders happen and huge doses of self reflection are abundantly available. Live all those out gracefully with a humble heart and know when "I'm sorry" is needed over an "I'm better".

12. Keep secrets

Unless you're surprising your spouse with a gift so very well deserved, there is no need for secrets in a marriage. Who you talk to, see and spend your time away from home is open game communication in a marriage. The first unhealthy secret kept will open a double sided door of both resentment from your spouse and comfortability in your person to do it once more.

13. Suck up

It's clearly fake. It's overplayed. And, lastly, it's taking the long way around to solving the break down in communication that has occurred. Take the time to address the issue, confront the feelings and move forward back to a healthier assembly of "us".

Thank you, Kenny. Thank you for 13 years today. For a lifetime that equals every step we are given side by side. I am most honored to be making a path with you.

13 Dos and DonT’S of Marriage