I have been doing a lot of soul semi-searching these days it seems. I think I am finding myself in a mini-rut. A rut that is, by no means, putting me at the bottom of the barrel and a rut that is by no means due to lack of blessings and things for which to be grateful.

But a rut, nonetheless.

I think God sticks it to me from time to time and I am okay with that only if I can find His wisdom through it all.

Today is about freedom.

The homemade ice cream, sparklers and bottle rockets will come and go, the sunscreen slathered, the parades marched, hotdogs grilled, and the American shirts worn will all come to an end.

And I think that's where I'm at.

I grieve for those material, surface things to stay. Don't go.

Metaphorically speaking, of course.

I find myself in this cycle where freedom is so hard to grab-a-hold to.

I don't allow myself to be free from myself.

Weird, I know.

I cling to the hotdogs and American shirts in my own life and don't invest in what I have right before me that is forever free.

I shortchange myself for the vision of freedom that gets "stuck" on repeat in my own 4th of July mind.

I shortchange:

my confidence
my trust
the goodness of my boys
my husband's love
my business
my talents
my hopes
my dreams
my faith in God
my wonderful family
the good that God has meant for me to do

I shortchange my freedom in Him. I get so tangled in the surface details that I eventually end up "choking on my hotdog and dripping relish and mustard on my proverbial American flag shirt."

I don't rest in the freedom I can find in what is truly around me. And maybe that's because with freedom, there is no control.

But even when you are "in the details and have it all under control", the mustard somehow can still drip.

And that is what I need to remember.

My vision can be clear; my intent can have focus, but above all, freedom from my own insecurities can be found in Him.

A reminder for me today and from now on:

be intentional
get up before the boys
think of others before yourself
kiss your husband more
trust the good intentions of others
smile more
expect tthe best from yourself and others
believe in and feel the greatness God has made you to be

And, carry around extra napkins for when the mustard squirts.


Happy 4th.