It was the summer of 2009 and we were ready to grow our family. The first month of trying and failing turned into a year before we knew it. Another summer, rounds of medication and still no success. Another year and much soul searching combined with infertility doctor visits point us to our last hope for conception, IVF. I took lots and lots of drugs, had surgeries, the whole IVF nine yards. Embryo transfers 1-3 resulted in a negative pregnancy test and two miscarriages. We grieved, we struggled, we hoped and still dreamed but with reserve. By this time, I was exhausted, broken and in a dark place.
I knew the entire time my stick-to-it-ness with trying for a child came from true,true
A momma bear aching for a baby facing infertility practically dies of a broken heart, the love is so fierce.
what I didn’t know is my worst pain and suffering would end up being my greatest lesson in love. By nature, I am a lover. My heart pours out love to those I care about. Giving love isn’t a challenge for me. Before infertility however, I didn’t fully understand how to receive God’s love through other people. I read a book entitled, Why by Adam Hamilton. The book helped me understand one of the purposes in suffering comes in our need to be loved by other people. So I opened myself up a little more. I got real and raw with people.
Years after this season of my life, my eyes fill with tears over the many expressions of love and grace I received. My parents collected their spare change to give us to help with expenses. My mother in law won a big Bingo and gave us the money with a card praying for a miracle. Our doctor’s office cut us a break on the 4th embryo transfer. On my birthday, my co-workers presented me with a HUGE love offering to help us with expenses. Countless friends, co-workers and medical folks showered me with love while I was struggling. Cards, special treats, listening ear, surprises in the mail, texts, phone calls, visits, prayers, favors and visits blessed me and kept me going as I was drowning. It was the first time in my life I was a complete shell. Our family and friends circled around us in great acts of love. They rescued me with love.
Three years later, I have a miracle child. If you meet him, you will notice he is full of love. I am certain all those years of prayers, hope, faith and love are part of his DNA. This fall he will become a big brother. Baby boy will also receive the love so well known to our first miracle.
It is because of the love I received through my struggles that I now more deeply love God, those around me and my precious children.
I got schooled hard core by love. Rescued even. Love came to me like a raft in the middle of a stormy ocean. This love I will remain grateful for for all my days! I also stand by loving anyone through infertility. If I may serve you, please let me know. It would be an honor to be your life boat.