I lived most of my childhood afraid & nervous. Afraid not like, shaking in my shoes somebody is gonna get me, but over-conscious of failure and completely consumed by pleasing others. In turn, I was nervous on the inside a lot. So much that control became a big part of how I coped. It seemed if I could fixate on the things I could control on the outside, then that made the never-ending anxious feeling on the inside that much more bearable.
In short, I hid what I loved; I sought what was loved by others. It's important that you know I love my parents very much. Then & now. I am learning that the role of a parent is wickedly hard, piled high with mistakes, &%$* and wish I had some do-overs, too. Parenting is huge. It's also a role where absolutely wonderful things can transpire just the same. It's being daily cognizant & intentional without a doubt.
As a child, a big ole bag of mixed signals was handed to me. I heard shame riddled messages tousled with messages like "Make your Meghan Statement." As a little girl, I took each message in with obedience. I absorbed them everyone. The good ones and the bad became the materials I used to build my dream tracks.
And it wasn't until I was about 22 years old that I realized just how weak my dream tracks were constructed. Now don't get me wrong, there were big sections sturdy & stalwart with an absoluteness of steel. But then there were massive cracks in the bends where weak lived in the turns. And traveling through my tiny dark tunnels offered a very shaky & uncertain ride.
Building your dream tracks is a huge job. It's one that should really always be under construction. Assembling your passion has no real destination with an exact number of stops only to pick up passengers with the last names Success, Confidence, Reward & Efficiency.
It's load bearing and covered in debris from the chiseling & welding sparks. Building your passion requires a certain tenacity to seek the good in yourself. The absolute that God placed just in you. And once you find it, grabbing hold of it with a fierce thank you and hallelujah praise. From there, you shape. Weeding out the sour. Passing over the weak materials that may very well be housed on your construction site. I equate building your dream tracks very much to parenting. It's being daily cognizant & intentional without a doubt.
Being a little girl that lived most of her life hidden, I have no master set of plans that with certainty will bring your dreams to life. But, I do know how it feels to build your passion's track. I'm doing it right now. There are four hold-tos that are becoming the most impacting tools for my construction.
It's that grab onto squeeze that keeps me building. That notion that God built in me something that only I can hand out. My uniqueness is important. My service is unlike anyone else's tracks. Once I found His absolute in me, my confidence comes from Him. My courage does, too. Claiming His super great in you is one awestruck feeling.
Truthfulness & transparency.
Failure, Fear, Insecurity & Doubt will be passengers that will want to ride along your tracks. They will seek a spot on what you are building equally as often as Success, Confidence, Reward & Efficiency. It's important to know this while construction takes place. It's even more important to call them out when they attempt to climb aboard. I am finding that being honest with myself & others gives me strength to deny them a seat. My transparency reminds not only myself but others that building your passion is hard. But worth it.
Time is your friend. There is no rush to complete your track. A finished track is a dead end & a done deal. Staying hopeful & available to change the course of your construction can be so very rewarding. New is gifted to you. Different perspectives, too. With this altered plan comes abundant knowledge & wisdom you may have never received any other way. I am learning to build without blinders. And to use the best hope I have in my toolbox as I find signs and new availabilities that God has for me along the way.
You can't build your passions alone. You need people. People that will listen as you speak these dream tracks out loud. You need a camp ready to hand you water & call break time when you feel overwhelmed with labor. These people can help you build. Not so much physically, but emotionally. They send the high fives via text message. They hashtag you #ifyoudreamityoucandoit too. These connections remind you that your dreams are worthy of being coursed and made for travel. And these connections come when you have the courage to share exactly what lives on the inside of you.
Joshua 1:9 is my life verse. It states: "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." It is my reminder to let go each and every day of the little girl I once was. To live unhidden. To parent, love & lead that way, too. Joshua 1:9 strengthens me to dream out loud and be unafraid to passionately build my dreams. For this track I am building is uniquely His & uniquely mine just the same. And the more I build, the more He boasts of His beautiful craftsmanship in not just me but others, too.