Internally resuscitating. I have been. It's not that my character needed mending, but more my spirit. Craving a place where my mind settled on better and where my heart moved with less beats shallow. Less thinking on havoc. Less repeats of doubt. Less thoughts uneasy.
My words here are not to bumper car into yours. The measuring stick is not needed. Humans hurt. In different ways and in different forms. We all wrestle. Some swaddle their fears. Wrapped. They nestle into the idea of ache. Some hide them. On the outside they stand strong and noble even. Some manifest in them. Consuming themselves with the inferior and the unnecessary contempt of the heart. And some? They manage them. Fear & hurts are manipulated. Molded with the heat and pressure of fingerprints & palms. Friction rubbing. Kneading out the angst. Realizing that better begins in their touch.
I am working towards the latter.
Space. It's been a strength to me. Physical representations are invaluable to a tactile soul like myself. I have journeyed to capture space this summer. And I love what God provides. In His openness, I have processed. There is something so kind, something so genuine and alive in the nothing. In the pictures He creates with no human hands.
This calculated movement of my lens has done more than confiscate His beauty. It's allowed me the opportunity to cleanse a little more of me. Reminders of feeling small have recalled my spirit to a place where I can't help but trust a little more. Encapsulated by majestic mountains. Overwhelmed by clouds starched puffy & white or the purity in a resting lake, I am healed inside a little more. Managing. Fingerprints of 10, my palms make friction for better.
His breaths are not mine. I am learning to rejoice more in the absence of this earthly timeline. And heave myself with more conviction for what is mine is really only His in the making.
Rest. Yes, rest. Stillness can heal. It can serve as a reservoir for the overflow. Of the grotesque & the glorious. In the scary & the unknown too. Those wicked feelings that creep in the dark and hijack your light. His calm is there to manage.
Likewise, His calm is there for the highs. Those magnificent rays of moments where your heart cannot hold the excess of love you feel. Touch. Tears. Laughter. Friendships. Love.
I am healing the more my earthly becomes my heaven. In the mindset I bring to my family. My business. My writings. My life. I can feel growth boisterous & bulging inside.
This summer capturing has taught me to look. Just look. It's rearranged my idea about answers. It's destroyed my concept of having it together. It's moving me more into a space of process & time.
When I think about the images I journeyed to find this summer, I see beauty in the big. The entire image is breathtaking. Not in the tiny parts, but the whole. The more I lean with an honest heart into His openness, the more I know I can find myself in a place of better. The more I can believe in the hard and the hallelujahs. My dreams and decision have a direction. His pictures created need no human hands.
Encouraged. Breathtaking. His. I am whole. A little more each day.