My February has been messy. Jumbled & stuffed not just on the calendar, but in between my ears. Cobwebs of stress, clusters of funk and cluttered corners of worry have made a mess of me. Like a toy top on the hardwood floor turning amongst the breakfast crumbs and Nerf bullets, I spin out of control. This movement is pushy and bitter. Wild eyed, I'm hooked on the spinning. Circus striped colors round & round. Make them swirl faster, Meghan. Yes, faster. Now even faster more. The doubt and unknown twirl in my noggin all while my body releases sporadic energy at levels out of control & scattered.
Yes, messy. The unimportant has trampled & trumped my who. The worry has captured the flag of my what. I find myself awake at night mentally punishing myself with memories that have already been forgiven. Bad decisions. Poor choices. The past. I wake in the morning to sour and self defeat from the night's internal war.
The ignorance of future has me worried in the wickedest of ways. Are we making the right decision? Am I giving my best? What can I change? And then selfishness sidles in. In her prissy gown of me, she bosses my upstairs camp something fierce. Not wanting to face the reality of mayhem, she does what any child would do when asked to confront the clutter & clean. She pushes it all to the corners, under the beds and behind the doors of my mind.
And it's time to stop. This week will be better. Now is my only concern. I am cleaning my house. Of pushy & bitter. Of the unhealthy inside of me. Worry is not an option. It's the demon of progress. It will not triumph my composition. I have a say in this. The gift of attitude and prayer and chillin' the freak out are beautiful gifts from God. I'm opening them this week. Off go the bows as I rip back the paper and tape. There are no price tags to peel; his gifts are always free.
Head down. Hand it over. Do the work. Smile. Do the work some more. With excellence. With hope. With passion. With Him. This week I'm gonna. In the event you can relate, take this challenge with me. Simplify. Intentionally pull this card on your camp. It's not that living simply with the now's grit will solve life's tangles. Nuh-uh. But you know what? You will be at your best and available for the most important of your life: the present. Drop the drama all around. Remove the needle from your skipping record of doubt. And be here. Right here. This week.
This week I'm gonna. I hope you will too.