Life has a way of twisting into you. Soul to soul, we all shuffle through these calendar days exchanging & rearranging our who as we go. Memories, well, they transpire in the blink of an eye, wouldn't you agree? Piled one atop the other, it's easy to get lost in the monstrosity of mundane and the memorable. Life moves. It multiplies. And, it's all missed if we find ourselves out of cadence with present in the most powerful form. Thankful am I for attentive eyes that see our now ever so sweetly when we just let them. I've been working on my eyes. Their focus. Their depth of perception & sightedness. What catches my attention. What I see out of the corners, too. And, this new application of sight is changing me. It's bringing me to a more veritable center I truly trust. Lost, I so quickly can get in the intricacies of pride, in the facade of perfection. You know, the dream of a destination no one can reach. And, it is there where I suffer within. I boggle my beliefs and baffle my being into a duped state of failure. Oh, but my eyes. These precious peepholes into my me. They are God's gift. A gift that peers outward and receives real. Through Him, I feel the light and fight perfection.
A precious man celebrated 64 years yesterday. He is an abundant one. In kindness and generosity. In laughter and in the things he loves. His quiet soul is steadfastly a constant in our family. His strength comes from helping. His heart transcends love through the little. His presence is genuine and irreplaceable. He is Larro to us all.
I want to remember my intentions here. I want to remember the forethought of a birthday dinner celebration. One ready and awaiting the guest of honor. For in remembering, I grow. I will remember the errands over-extended that afternoon. The renewing of our library cards done by a very elderly lady who shook fiercely as she had to install our quite lengthy mailing address not once, but three times into a computer. I don't want to forget my irritable impatience inside as I waited for 40 minutes for her to complete what should have been a 10 minute task. And, as my internal anger grew and surged, I want to remember my eyes. There, in the library, hard & deliberate, I blinked. And, I watched her anew. I glanced downward to a woman giving her very all to a volunteer position so that life can continue to twist on for her sake. I saw her heart. My time waiting turned into a celebration of her beautiful service as the tick-tock continued on my clock.
I don't want to forget the grocery store trip that was to encompass a 30 minute time span. With boys and detailed grocery list in tow, we trudged on from the world of free books. I won't forget that Eli wanted so desperately to read his brand new-to-him borrowed chapter book that he actually rode in the back of the cart at almost 8 1/2 years old. The wonder of story trumped any and all concern for cool. I am so proud of that. It is important that I remember how Casey would park Eli-in-buggy at the base of each few aisles as he and I raced hand-in-hand to find our goods. He was so helpful and sweet. It took us forever to find the white shoepeg corn. 30 minutes turned into 55.
And, my fresh recollections on yesterday remind me that our arrival time back to home landed us there 5 minutes before our honored birthday guest. I was supposed to be ready. Everything was supposed to be done. There, on the drive home, I let out a sinking sigh only to swallow back the undercurrent notions of defective. Taking one of my many back road curves easy and smooth en route to home, I rolled the windows down. I felt the rush of Fall swindle my self imposed upsets as the cool breeze kissed my bare face. I settled into the present and placed perfection aside.
Chicken & steak fajitas was Larro's birthday dinner. There, in my kitchen, I cooked with my mother-in-law. Together, we shared stories and sorted out dinner details. I want to remember my time with her. Our candidness. Our add-ins of extra seasonings, our teamwork to provide for our family. My eyes glanced less & less at the clock with each heart investment I gave to my now.
Dinner was served 50 minutes late. Fresh and full of colorful goodness, we ate.
Eli & Casey sat at the island. They always do when Mom-Mom and Larro come to eat. I want to remember Eli's beautiful blessing as he thanked the Lord for the food before us and for the gift of Larro's life. I don't want to forget our hands stretched out to hold each other's.
The boys chose the cake mix. It cost $1.00 on sale. I want to remember that showing love to someone never involves a price tag. Quickly iced with cream cheese frosting, Casey decided to add the necessary final festive decorations. Spiders and sprinkles at 64. I think so.
iPhone tutorials were taught around the kitchen table as ice cream was scooped. Plopped in heaping, messy piles next to cake, we celebrated our Larro.
Twisting. Into me. Yesterday became my memory. Stored not in the receptacle of insufficiently unacceptable, my eyes thumbed through tab tops to find the file marked most abundantly blessed. It is in this new twist of sorting that I feel my heart's cadence of now growing. Oh, these eyes. These precious peepholes into my me. They are God's gift. A gift that peers outward and receives real. Through Him, I feel the light and fight perfection.
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