Words follow me everyday. Clarity. Connection. Conviction. Completeness. They meander thought my mind and they snuggle into my soul. They ask me to party; they beg me to participate. And, when I do? I find sweetness right within. This space of words I call mine has purpose. It's documented for the eyes of me. It's preserved for the story of my boys and my family. And, it's penned for you, too. I get that the world is fast. I get that "now & quick" is all the rage. These trends worry me not. Story will always trump time. Be it one reader or one million, it makes no difference. Words win. I want to use the space to be clear and to be honest. Because, I can't help but think that maybe, just maybe, the rattletrap belongings of my heart might resonate with someone else. That my truthful may encourage another even if it is nothing more than a "I'm glad I'm not alone". I want my heartstrings to stretch out my insecurities and invaluables, too. Writing provides me the chance to take the who I was with the who I am and connect the two. Each of us has a story to share. It's sharing these stories that move people for better. And, I'm all about the better business.
As a little girl, I struggled with assurance. I felt lost in the world of gifts. I say this to you with honest eyes. I write these words as a natural first born overachiever in search of my fit. From as early as kindergarten, I can remember feeling less. Fear. Frustration. Sadness, too. Simply put, my heart ached for completeness and the security of me. Yes, as early as kindergarten.
These words I pen are important. Somewhere a little girl like me sits in a classroom. Her feet dangle and twist around at the ankles all fidgety & nervous. She ties her shoes too tight and triple knots them too as perfection is all she can imagine will make her whole. Her hands sweat and her heart races. Her ponytail is never just right. She wants to fit. She wants to find her place. Yes, with honest eyes, I tell my story. I do so for the eyes of this little girl's Mama. Perhaps she will stumble upon this blog, and find her daughter's words today penned 30 years from now on this very page. Because handing out hope is free. Better yet, it's life changing.
Life stories are wrapped in timing I tend to think. Growth settles into us with age. Complacency & bitterness do too. In this crazy fast spinning world, advocates of hope are, without a doubt, fighting an uphill battle. It is the ones who choose to be contagious for light from which we draw our strength. I have my light givers. Scattered so succinctly throughout my life, I am thankful for each one. I imagine you do, too.
As a little girl, I loved story. I loved creating and I loved movement. And, somehow, I told myself these gifts weren't enough. I managed to trample what I had only to work extra harder on stuffing myself into what I wasn't. My natural abilities weren't worthy enough. I played pretend by myself for fear of failure of friend's approval. I tried to be the quiet girl even though I wanted to speak out and be silly. I filled myself with insecurities that my creative ideas were not the best. And, that I wasn't a story teller with perfect grammar and A+ handwriting, either. The high B's and low grade A's of an overachiever took their toll. I repressed and sunk into some other form of me. I stopped what I was born to do because of those triple knotted sneakers twisting under my seat dangling in pursuit of perfection and approval.
Bringing life to k.Mac, has given me the platform to find the confidence in my creative. Its journey has been full of hard work both physically and mentally. Teaching myself to sew and making a market of what I design has been a path well worth traveling in finding my enough. Low grade A's and high B's mean nothing when you are right in the center of your passion.
This blog is another way in which I have challenged myself to loosen my triple knotted sneakers of perfectionism I tied at such an early age. I am writer of story. My words are not perfectly placed; my grammar is askew at times. I am not published. But, my words are important. They mean something to me. They are my light, and just how I aim to give. For the Mama of me somewhere out there, I am handing out hope to you.
And, today I am giving myself a challenge. It's one of those tiny movements of self that stretches growth. I plan to write here for the next 7 days sequentially. My topics will vary. The pictures will too. But, my words will be here be them quirky crazy or humbly honest. I would love for you to join me in this 7 day journey. I want to hear from you, too. With my goal of connecting in 2013, I am working in several areas of my life where connections can be strengthened. This blog is just a small space where I can put my money where my mouth is.
So, in honor of stretching & untying knots, I ask you to help challenge me for the next 7 days.
I am thankful for the light givers. I am thankful for the beauty we each possess. Taking the time to invest in the energy of just exactly "the who" we are made to be is what slows down the pace of this world for the better. For the little girls out there fidgeting within, I write for you. Loosen the knots, little ones.
p.s. Last week's candle winner was Cassie Collins. Thanks for placing a candle purchase with k.Mac! Your free candle will be included in your order. Please contact firstname.lastname@example.org to specify your scent of choice.
p.p.s. Fall & Winter Scents Sale is going on now through September 30th.
Go here to place your order.